I get it, you have recently connected with this guy, and he is attractive, intelligent, funny, and you both have great chemistry.
After spending some time together, he can tell right away that you’re the relationship type. So he takes a chance by being completely honest with you. He lets you know that he does not want a relationship, but he does want to continue to see you.
What do you do? Do you accept his position and remain friends with benefits? Or do you cut off the connection because you want to be exclusive?
Let me tell you a little story. I reconnected with a guy not too long ago, and I was in this exact situation. We met 10+ years ago, and we had good chemistry, but for whatever reason, after a few conversations, the connection dropped. After reconnecting on Facebook, we decided to link up and catch up again.
This time around, after one conversation, he let me know he didn’t want a relationship. I explained I was in no rush to jump into a relationship either. When together, we had a great conversation, great sex, breakfast in bed, dinner in bed, and great laughs. Once we parted ways, there would be complete silence unless I contacted him.
The connection quickly came to an end on my part because it wasn’t an arrangement I was utterly comfortable with. I enjoyed it when we were around one another, but when we weren’t together, I realized after some time that I wanted more.
In these types of situations, we can’t try to convince the other person to change how they feel. Women get a bad rep for trying to “change” a man. Using forms of manipulation to get him to act the way we want him to.
Maybe I can convince him that I am the girl for him by cooking great meals and being supportive or submissive.
Maybe I will do all my best moves during sex, and so he finds me irresistible.
Maybe I will buy him gifts and give him money to support his dreams.
Maybe I will be there for his kids so he can see how good of a mother I will be in the future.
Sis, don’t do it.
No amount of quality time, gifts, sex, or deep conversations will change a man’s mind to commit to you. The choice is and will always be his alone. It is your pride and lack of knowing your worth that won’t allow you to accept the truth.
Even if he begins to show you attention because of all the great things you’re doing, without him committing, you are just an easy ride that comes with perks. Men don’t want a wife or girlfriend who is easy; they want a woman with standards. But know, he will ride the ride as many times you allow him to.
So after you’ve done everything to try to convince him to be with you, and he doesn’t make your relationship exclusive, you become resentful. Just because our feelings have changed, doesn’t mean theirs has to. You can’t take their choice away from them. We both need to respect one another and, more importantly, ourselves.
Yes, he is attentive, he spends time with you, he sends you “good morning” and “good night beautiful” text messages daily, he gives you good sex often, maybe even buys you a gift here and there. Still, it does not mean you are that much closer to being his girlfriend. You have made it to “She is cool, and we have fun together” stage. Time and consistency in his actions will reveal the position you have in his life.
Take away advice:
- If he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship — believe him.
- Do not try to “convince” him to be with you.
- Phone calls and compliments don’t mean a commitment.
- If you know you want more, do not lower your standards. Stay firm and find the guy who wants a commitment.
- Time and consistency in his actions will reveal the position you have in his life.
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